most days i ponder if i will ever feel anything other than pure exhaustion.
i wake up earlier than i'd like just to get a sip of my warm cup of coffee. my short time before the kids join me is composed of getting showered & dressed, a time to read/pray with my hubs &/or have kinyarwanda lessons. usually, these things get interrupted! i also take care of lucy in this time.
i then attempt the task of getting 3 kids 4 and under ready for the day. this includes:
- picking clothes that i often receive unwanted "help" for of t-shirts being thrown about the drawers to pick the favorite of what's still clean
- changing diapers -one of which is faithfully soiled
- half dressing an "independent" 4 1/2 yr old, because he suddenly needs help to do any and everything, an active 2 (almost 3) yr old who doesn't stand still long enough for the adult to get 1 leg in each pantleg & a squiggly 4 month old who is quite sure she just might die if she isn't eating within seconds
- nursing said baby & milk for the older 2 and now breakfast for all 3
many of my "free" moments are used to do dishes or laundry, etc. i often feel like as soon as i get one person content, the next is demanding a need or attention. this week in particular is also busy with sharing the rwanda vision in small groups and preparing to sell rwandan crafts at an open studio this weekend.
my heart is heavy with news of friends loosing loved ones or having hard times and at the same time rejoicing with others who are gaining family members and celebrating good and exciting things in their lives.
all i can think is, somehow i have to make it through these days!!
several days a week, when soph goes for her morning nap, the boys and i do school. this morning we had many interruptions and even more "melt downs" because of our late night last night. during a talk with owen about his behavior, aiden gets super jealous so i decide to have a "talk" with him as well to ease his jealousy. we chat about his surg next week. i want to explain to him in simple terms what will happen. i say,
"we will go to the doctor, and they will help you sleep so they can fix your boo boo. then you will wake up and come home with mommy and daddy."
to see if he understands, i quiz him.
"me: next week we go to the doctor...what will happen? a: i go to sleep! me: that's right! then what? a: i die! me: no you won't! don't say that!!"
okay devil, you got my attention! maybe i'm tired or stressed or worried about his surgery, but i sob! of course this sweet little boy pipes right up...
"a: why you ca-ing mommy? me: because you said something that made mommy sad! i don't want you to die. after the doctor fixes your boo boo, you WAKE UP & COME HOME WITH MOMMY AND DADDY! a: ok mommy! me: so what happens after the doctor fixes your boo boo? a: i die!..."
i take the hint and end the convo.
you'd think i would know by now, about 9:45am, it's gonna be a day! maybe i should follow the flow and skip school. instead, i press on.
we can't ever seem to make it through school without the dog chewing something and ending up in her kennel & today, along with that, not long into school soph also began to cry. there are a few things i can say about this situation:
- she has been slightly under the weather & crying lots (i can't express this word enough) the past few days, so i'm already feeling stretched/stressed
- she is the LIGHTEST SLEEPER on the entire planet and wakes even when we blink downstairs, so this is a very common situation. i have learned to let her cry and usually in less than 5 min she is done and back to sleep
- she is baby #3 and i'm good at the "cry it out" thing by now -we wait the reccommended 20 min before we take action, unless the cry tells us otherwise
- i started school and wanted to finish atleast the bare essentials.
i quickly decide the cry i'm hearing is NOT the 'let it wait 2o min' cry. i run up the stairs to find she has spit up. everywhere. school obviously gets paused and we do an impromptu bath and bedding change. she is calm & she is clean so i decide to attempt nap again. she protests. sorry, that's supposed to say she protests!
i bring her downstairs- could it really only be 10:30?!?