Monday, September 21, 2009

a heartattack and a bee

i have been tested lately, and i dont know why. my HUGE fear of bees seems to have grown and i have been face to face with them on an almost daily basis! a hive has kindly placed itself in between our house and the siding, and all too often a stray bee comes in through the kitchen ceiling. NOT A BIG FAN OF THIS!!! there are many things i am thinking about this...
1. why am i so afraid of bees?
2. how can i stop the fear from taking over?
3. how can i stop the bees from getting in?
4. why do i get paralyzed by them?
5. how does one get rid of a hive that is not sprayable?
6. how will i cope with the killer bees in kenya?
7. will i save my children or just myself from them?

okay, so i could go on, obviously! and #7 is more humerous, of course! but on a more serious note, HELP!!

maybe the fear is growning b/c i'm being faced with them so often...maybe its because i know i wont be able to kill the bees in kenya and dont know how to just 'ignore' them. last week for example, i was attempting to pack for a wk end retreat. within the morning hrs, 2 bees were in the kitchen. one was on the floor so joe got it and killed it. the second was near the window, as you can see in the picture. joe wasn't home so i sent texts and pictures to him begging and pleading for him to come save me! obviously, mtgs he was in took priority over my fear of bees, but i literally couldn't move for an hour. i had the fly swatter and kept getting close, but was afraid to miss and agitate the little fellow, so i would then run to the other side of the house. finally i saw my neighbor out and got her to come in and get it. within seconds it was gone. why do i not have the courage to do this? life went on and i continued on my way to the retreat. dont you know a bee got thrown into the window as we were driving along. THANK GOD I WAS NOT DRIVING!!! ->we would have died, i am sure! it landed on my chest and i swear i had a panic attack. i couldn't breathe. somehow w/o breathing (or moving even at all) i managed to start sobbing hysterically. really? how does a bee have this control over me? he fell into my lap somewhere and i was sure death had become me. again i pleaded with joe to help. what seemed like hours later (prob w/in the minute) he was able to pull over and i literally heaved myself out of the car. he wasnt on me and i didn't see him fly away, so i was sure he was in the car. joe, not too thrilled about my breakdown, checked and saw nothing, so he was eager to finish the ride. i was not so willing. i checked and immediately found the bee, and again broke down. he got it out and killed it for me.

so how do i overcome this? a grown woman should NOT be so hysterical over a bee. i have thought about hypnotism, but am not sure i even believe that works, let alone have the $ to spend on such a thing. what can i do? the only thing i can do is pray. sounds funny, i know! the great thing is, god even cares about my fear of bees!

"give all your worries and cares to god, for he cares about you." 1 peter 5:7

"don't be afraid, for i am with you. don't be discouraged, for i am your god. i will strengthen you and help you. i will hold you up with my victorious right hand." isaiah 41:10

so why blog about it? b/c i need your help too. please pray with and for me that i would feel gods strength and love when i fear ANYTHING! and that i wouldn't hold in the fears like i have been. also remember for yourself too, to cast all your worries to him, for he cares about you!!!

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